GQ|Littler has again managed to convince Santa to take some time out of his busy schedule, set down today’s wordle (to which Santa has become addicted this year) and give us an exclusive interview. He reveals the employment challenges he has faced in 2022 with his “elf-ployees” at his secret UK-based grotto.
As previously disclosed, Santa’s elf-ployees are famously on far above minimum-wage, but Santa has generously also awarded them a one-off “cost of living” bonus this year. Santa’s workshop was largely unaffected by the hikes in energy prices most people have seen this year, given that Santa’s sleigh runs on reindeer power and the workshop’s power runs on Christmas spirit alone, and so he has been able to give a little extra to his little helpers.
Despite this generosity, Santa says the level of resignations have snowballed as the “Great Resignation” hits even the jolliest of working environments. Some of Santa’s elf-ployees have thrown in the Christmas-tea-towel this year, to take some time out to explore lucrative “elf”-employment opportunities or to travel to the far-flung places of the earth that the reindeer keep bragging about seeing.
We asked Santa about the tribunal claim for gross “Christ-misconduct” which was pending the last time we spoke with him. He was pleased to report that the judge upheld the fairness of the dismissal, but more interesting was the unprecedented “trial by TikTok” to rival the likes of Depp v Heard… Santa unsurprisingly came out on top in the strange new world where the judicial system meets reality TV, keeping lots of the public on the “nice” side of Santa’s list.
Speaking of that list, Santa explained he has joined the 21st century and gone electronic with the “naughty-or-nice” list. However, the GDPR-related issues with holding such an electronic database have really weighed him down. He has sought an exemption from the I(ce)-CO such that he never has to disclose the data on the naughty and nice list, which gives him some comfort. However, he is worried about (cr)hackers…
Our interview with Santa was cut slightly short, due to a dispute breaking out amongst some of the elf-ployees over the Football World Cup in the background (more specifically, an argument over who was the better player out of Ruud-olph Van Nistelrooy and Holly Gunnar Solksjaer). Despite this year’s tribunal judgment that supporting a particular team does not amount to a “philosophical belief” protected by discrimination legislation – try telling some of them that! Santa signs off emotional, as its no longer coming "ho-ho-ho-home".